I think we should keep it in an electrified cage – guarded by drunk leopards – so only the truly worthy will receive their reward.

Alcohol should be kept away from food and soft drinks in supermarkets, according to a campaign group. Alcohol Concern wants shops in England and Wales to keep beer and wine in a separate section. It has found that big retailers place beer and wine near the doors and the tills, as well as on food aisles.