The English just can’t name their candy bars, says writer from the country which gave us ‘Oh Henry!’.

Last weekend I reported on my visit to the London Candy Co., and described in superficial detail its confectionary offerings. You didn’t think I’d leave empty handed, did you? Rather, I picked out five candy bars with the stupidest names, intent on trying them and rendering a critical opinion. The store demonstrates how much more vital and competitive the English candy bar industry is, with chocolate companies constantly inventing new products, and giving them extreme names. Here are my tasting notes.